Job Interview

In a whitewalled room, Charles and four women coworkers sit at computers. It is quiet except for an underlying hum from the corner printer and intermittent bursts of keyboard typing and mouse clicking. The heat is turned up too high, so Charles has stripped down to his white T shirt and is squirming. The four women all sit upright, sweaters still on, as they type out emails and edit spreadsheets. Charles looks around and decides to forego work and make the banal scene into a story. He opens up a blog entry and starts typing.

In the room next door, a guy is applying for a teaching job at their office. The guy applying speaks across the table to another guy (a coworker of Charles and the four women) who, after asking scripted questions, takes notes in a green folder.

Back in the office room, the coworker's (the one presently interviewing next door) computer station sits empty except for a half-eaten microwave diet dinner. One of the female coworkers next to Charles notices the dinner left there and remarks on its wonderful smell. Others chirp similar sentiments about hunger and "deliciousness." But since the comments are directed to the room and not each other, no conversation develops and it becomes quiet again.

Charles sighs loudly and tries to finish typing his fiction story. He realizes he's under time constraints, since he is next to go interview the guy applying. The four women (his co-workers)have already taken their turns, dutifully evaluating and taking notes while being bubbly and welcoming and professional. When the coworker interviewing returns back to his computer and synthetic meal, Charles will have to go administer his portion of the interview and leave this scene and his story unfinished.

Charles pauses at end of his fourth paragraph. The walls of the office are superthin, and the present interview conversation (between the guy interviewing and the guy who's an employee)suddenly muffles through the room. "Oh my god. Can you hear that?" one woman coworker, looking up from her monitor, asks the room. Another woman, putting down the phone she just picked up, says, "Oh my God, did you see what he was wearing in there? Did his mom dress him for his big job interview?" Pause: "I mean really, I've seen better candidates for a dog show." Then another woman coworker says, laughing: "He's like a freakin' Simpson's character with that face." Catty comments continue about the applying guy's overbite and wardrobe. Everyone is energized and excited. Charles tries to write it all down.

The office door opens, and the coworker guy, finally finished with his interview, tiptoes in and the women laugh. He puts the green folder next to Charles. A woman asks, "How about that overbite?" and the guy says with a chuckle, "Oh my god, I know..." Someone else asks him, "Is that Lean Cuisine you have there?" "Yes, the new panini!" Charles opens the green folder and sees Yale and 3.9 GPA atop the resume. Another woman asks, "What do you think of him, really? The kids would make fun of him. Wait, let me close the door." She almost runs into Charles as he walks through the doorway to the adjacent room.

CB: Sit down Sit down. Do not get up for me. Seriously man. I'm going to go back out there and come back in. Do not, under any circumstance, get up and shake my hand. I am not worth it. Unless you genuinely want to meet me. But you probably don't. You're just doing what you think you should do because it's an interview. I want you to cut that shit out. Because, really, I'm not that important. In fact, I'm almost positive that I have no say in whether you are hired or not. In fact, do you want anything? Water? Coffee? Lean Cuisine?

Guy: No no. I'm good.

Charles puts the green folder in the trash and leaves the room. He closes the door, walks two paces, and pivots back around and opens the door again.

CB: Hi! I'm Charles Bronson. Don't get up.

Guy: Ok.

Charles sits.

CB: So, you probably think that last remark is some sort of trick. The one about me having no say. You probably believe that I really do have the say, and those shrill girls that you talked with are just window dressing for my big empire here. Because you really don't know, do you? You have no idea what goes on here. You went to Yale, right? Most of your friends have probably done the I-Bank interview bullshit and have told you about all the trick questions and thought experiments. But, I assure you, I will only tell you the truth, and the truth is, I have no say in whether you will get hired.

Guy: Okok. (Nervous laughter) Actually, I do have a friend who interviewed at Bear Sterns who...

CB: Let me ask you a serious question: I was reading this article on postmodern literature. It was really interesting for some reason. It basically claimed that authors now create a self-conscious text - basically, a text that is written with the knowledge that it will be looked at critically, so it shades and hides it's true meaning for the discerning critic (or reader) to cull out themselves. You following me?

Guy: Yea. Of course.

CB: So you know - make the reader work for "what it really means" [he quotes with his fingers] with the idea that the reader will appreciate the meaning or number of meanings they discover in the language, symbols, textual implications imbedded in the story...

Guy: Okay....

CB: (Keeping his line of thought) But, paradoxically, what prevents the reader from discovering a different meaning from what the author intended? What if someone wrote a story with the theme of working here as a very bad idea. The story is cryptic and ironic in a well-written way, but everyone who reads it takes the story to imply that working here isn't that bad, maybe even good? Who is wrong - the reader for not understanding the story or the writer for not being totally forthcoming or straightforward with his/her intentions? Who is at fault?

Guy: I don't know.

Charles leans back in his chair and puts his feet on the table.

CB: Yea, so there's a power struggle, a conflict between reader and author over the meaning of the text. And the author is bound to lose, right? The reader has the power of judgment over the meaning of the text. It's the person that consumes the story that determines it's meaning. Get it?

Through the wall Charles and the Guy hear screeching laughter.

CB: I was struck by this, because I do a bit of writing myself, and I always try to write by shielding my true meaning in metaphors and irony and wordplay. Shit like that. Or else, you know, I think just coming out and saying anything straight up would be cheesy. Like - take this for example - instead of just saying - making fun of someone you just interviewed to all your colleagues is reprehensible, two-faced, etc., I would hide that sentiment (which is an easy morality tale, by the way) in a hyperliterary story about something else and present it in a seemingly ambiguous manner. What do you think about that?

Guy: About postmodernism or about making fun of someone?

CB: (Not liking that response) Just listen. This is about...Wait, you probably know by now this interview is a charade, since I'm doing all the talking. But, I want to have this conversation with someone. Chime in whenever. What was your major at Yale?

Guy: Um, econ with a minor in philosophy.

CB: Ok, but do you read fiction?

Guy: Yea, sure.

CB: Good, so if you follow the argument of this article I read: Do you think that a story about making fun of someone you interview can succeed if written in the normative postmodern way?

Guy: I'm not sure I get the question.

Charles leans forward.

CB: Don't worry. Don't worry. It's cool. Let me ask you something seriously: Are you nervous right now?

Guy: Yea, of course. This is an interview. Especially since I'm having a hard time following you.

CB: No worries, man. You're doing great. (Charles gives the Guy a thumbs up) I understand where you're coming from. You obviously got dressed all nice, put on the tie, the jacket. Maybe you didn't eat this morning before coming here. You probably got frantic when you couldn't find this place, right?

Guy: Yea, I guess.

CB: It's hard to find. My point is, it takes a lot of courage to go into someplace and try to put your best foot forward. Jobs are hard to come by, and you want to look and act your best. Which all makes you insecure, right? You feel vulnerable. Now, how would you feel if you were sincerely trying hard to be your best, look your best, and answer all their stupid questions correctly, and then they, behind your back mind you, cut you up about how you looked and acted?

Guy: I wouldn't really like that.

CB: Sure, but tell me how you would really feel. It's fucking hot in here and you've been sitting here for two hours.

Guy: I would hate it, frankly I would be pretty pissed.

CB: See. Now imagine if I put that hideous behavior inside a story, about a job interview, let's say...like this job interview, let's say, instead of just writing: People who make fun of people they interview should be hanged because they are feeding their own power-hungry egos by destroying the defenseless trying to get into their club?

Guy: I don't really understand. I guess you're right. Is this really the interview? (He looks at Charles) Sorry. But, I guess, a story could be put in human context...

Charles considers this.

CB: Exactly, but is that what good writing is? I mean, making that sentiment palatable in a more human setting? But what if it's misconstrued? What if the person reading the story, about the job interview, doesn't really understand what the author (me, in this case) is implicating? Is it possible that I could lose my story's meaning in a story?

Guy: I don't know.

CB: Come on, didn't you major in philosophy. I really want your opinion on this.

Guy: Umm...Can I talk about my teaching experience now?

CB: This isn't about the teaching job. Besides, didn't you just answer those stupid questions for the last two hours with those women, who probably are making fun of you and are making fun of me right now too.

Guy: I guess.

CB: This is about what is real and what is perceived. I just want your thoughts.

Guy: I honestly, don't know what to think.

CB: About my questions or about this whole situation?

Guy: About everything, I guess.

CB: I feel the same way. I would hire you, but unfortunately, I don't have the power. I just have to get up and leave and you can tell the story of your interview to your friends any way you want