Bronx Teacher Opus, Vol. 2

This is the avant-garde portion where three Bronx Teachers and one sideshow jabroni cavort and mingle at Brother Jimmy's NYC. Reading this section is long and arduous and you probably will get confused and fail to see the point.

But, deep down, the rewards are plenty. You get a full view of the searing social commentary viz. teaching, waitress-wooing, and drinking many pitchers. Pathos awaits.

Hint: Your Amerigo speaks first. Charles follows.

Read On. You are free.

Poems:
"A Haiku"
Surrounded by Fools
Three Teachers Emerge As Knights
Lovely As It Seems

Juicy
Evocative
Sensual
Sexual
Imbibing
Cuervo
Always

Inside Brother Jimmy's, Friday January 21:
"So, I think they alternate. Each week, one does the morning shift and the other does the night shift."
"At the Burrito Deli?"
"Yea. What's funny is one is really nice. So when I order my coffee and bagel, he actually asks me about my class. In Spanish, of course."
"Si, por guapo."
"Whatever. So the other guy is a fucking grouch. He just grunts...and they fucking look alike.'
"So they switch mornings? Like the changing of the guard?'
"Yea"
"Like Bartleby. They work at a copy place before there were copy machines, so they basically just write out documents over and over each day, which makes them crazy. One guy gets boozed up before work and does shit work until after lunch when he finally mellows out. The other guy gets so flustered that by lunch he has to go get smashed for the rest of the day. So one does work in the morning, and one does work in the afternoon. Melville describes it as the changing of the guard."
"I guess. Yea, well at 6am, they totally dictate my day."
"Huh?"
"The attitudes, whichever one I get, totally rubs off on me."
"Yea, I can see that."
"And I fucking carry it through the day."
"So you let the bodega guys ruin your day?"
"Or brighten it. But the thing is, my day still sucks."
"So sometimes you get put in a good mood and your day sucks. But other times you get put in a bad mood and your day sucks. So what happens if you don't go there in the morning?
"I go hungry."
"Good point."
"But..whatever, let's stop talking about school shit, man.'
"We're not, really."
"Yea, but I am so self-conscious of doing it, that's all people at my school do."
"Like Ms. DiMartino?"
"Yea, she's such a fucking bitch to me now. Or she doesn't even say hello to me in the hallways anymore."
"Yea, well, isn't it funny when you're walking some drunk, teacher chick home after happy hour and you're making out and stumbling and everything. Then, suddenly, she gets a moment of sobriety and gives you the 'just because I'm going home with you doesn't mean I'm sleeping with you.' And then, when you get home, she sleeps with you."
"Ha. Not funny."
"Her friends were worthless, remember?"
"You're worthless.. watch out"
"What?"
"Stage left.."
"Boys. Boys? Can I get yall some more beer?"
"Huh?"
"Yes, please."
"PBR good...?"
"Yes Ms. Anna."
"Anna, can you please tell Brian to turn the music down?"
"Um..Maybe. The bar is getting crowded though. It's kind of our policy."
"It's kind of annoying."
"Hey!! I like this music. I grew up on this"
"Yea, but it's fucking too loud. How's Brad, by the way?"
"I don't think she heard you."
"Because it's fucking loud."
"I hope she comes back. After that."
"Who is this, Brookes and Dunne?"
"Fill this up."
"Huh?"
"It's John Deere Greene. Give me that."
"I would totally marry her."
"Huh? I know."
"Yea. Who are those two chicks over there anyway?"
"The one's LeCroix's talking to at the bar?"
"I can't believe they latched on at Lounge. No one ever is in there."
"LeCroix! Pierre! Come sit down back down, man....and, he's not listening"
"Yea, I was just talking to one of them..aand, they had nothing."
"I think one of them goes to FIT and the other, i don't know."
"Are they hot? I can't really tell."
"The small one's ok."
"Yea, LeCroix's all over that. Look at him. I swear to God that guy."
"Yea. All those burgers."
"Ha. I wonder if the guy's ever heard of masturbation."
"Wanna do a lap?"
"Bronson!!"
"No. I'm cool here."
"What, man?"
"Bourbon Street?"
"Pierre, in a bit, we just ordered another pitcher. And stop shouting. Get the fuck over here."
"Huh? We need to make a decision, Sweetcake!"
"What? Nothing. We will! Relax!"
"Yea, right. You both are a bunch of Giant Idiots, and you're lucky I still love you!"
"Ignore him. Let him be over there"
"The girls must love his outdoor voice."
"And his beard."
"Dude, I don't want to go to Bourbon again. We always go. Let's go downtown or something."
"Sure. Where?"
"I don't know. Ginger Man. Cafe Wha? I don't know..anyplace but Bourbon. We fucking always end up there man."
"So. It's fun. There's girls there."
"We go there. The fucking DJ plays the same songs. We bullshit with Jason. We dance party. I hate the bartenders They're not even that hot. This is New York man, there's got to be other places."
"There are other places."
"So let's go to them."
"We can't. LeCroix always gets the attention there."
"Guys!"
"I'm down to go somewhere else, man, but you gotta convince Pierre."
"Yea, right."
"Where's Michelle tonight?"
"Here you go, Boys.'
"Thanks."
"Anna, you better watch Pierre. I've never seen him flirt in front of you before."
"Yea, with someone else anyway."
"Yea, I guess since you're married, he's just trying to make you jealous, like any good future second husband might do."
"Amerigo!"
"Anna, please sit."
"Here we'll even pour you a beer."
"You like the poems?"
"Oh my god. I keep all of them in my apartment."
"Does Brad know that the Bronx teachers are trying to woo his wife?"
"No, yea, he found the poems, and we almost broke up. Guys, it was really sad."
"Are you serious?"
"That's not good."
"No, you stupidheads. All the poems are over there by the bar."
"Oh shit. Which one is that so prominently displayed?"
"The last one you gave me"
"The haiku?'
"Yes. That's my favorite, like ever."
"We try."
"So how was school today for my boys?"
"I had a snowball fight in my class."
"Haha. I thought your kids didn't have recess. How'd they get the snowballs in to your classroom?"
"Yea, well, they reached out on the window sill, pushed the snow through the window cage and made fucking snowballs."
"Did one hit you?"
"No, they actually respect me too much to do that."
"Why?"
"Because if they hit me, then they actually do get in trouble."
"Shit. I actually had a great screaming match. I had to restrain this girl."
"You're not supposed to touch the kids, man."
"She was pulling out the other girls braids. School security won't fucking come fast enough. Or at all."
"How was that science experiment I gave you."
"Good man. They know Darwin now."
"Ahh, that's so cute. Charles, where's that girl you were with last Friday?"
"Watching them try to pick up those gummy worms with chopsticks and tweezers and hairpins would have been great. Natural selection for beak size. Unfortunately I had to trash it."
"What?'
"Seriously. Another one?"
"Yea, they played with everything when I was passing it out. Plus, they just wouldn't stop talking."
"So what did you do?"
"I warned them three times, then I went around and cleared their desks into the garbage can and sat in silence for the rest of the period putting up lunch detention minutes"
"Oh my god. You're so mean."
"Not really. Actually, I wish I was more mean."
" But, Charles, was that your new girlfriend last week?"
"Who?"
"That cute one. Brown hair. She said you guys taught together"
"Um.. who? Katrina?"
"Is that your girlfriend now?"
"Haha"
"What? Why?"
"The one that was licking your face?"
"I remember that shit."
"What? How come I don't?"
"We went to Cilantro, remember? Frozen margherita happy hour?"
"Shit. She fucking has a live-in boyfriend"
"You boys"
"What? I have a girlfriend. It's him"
"Hey, what's up guys?"
"What? I was just.."
"Hi Jess."
"Hey guys"
"Hi. We've met once before. I'm Amerigo."
"I'm Elvis Presley."
"Yes, Elvis, I remember. Nice shirt and tie. Why are you so dressed up?"
"Um..Because I just came from teaching sixth grade."
"Oh my god. Really? That's so fucking hot. Are you into cocaine, too?"
"What?"
"You look like you doused yourself in it?"
"Oh, that's fucking chalk. It's seeped in. I can't brush it off."
"Ow. Here. Let me try."
"Stop. Stop. You know you flirt like a middle schooler? See."
"You guys..These boys had a tough day in class. Tell her, Amerigo"
"Let's not relive it."
"Naaa..Want a beer?"
"Yea, but I got to get back to my tables in a sec."
"You want a poem?"
"They write poems, too."
"Where's that friend of yours, that actor guy.'
"I think he's downtown at his show or something.'
"He's funny."
"And a lot of other things."
"I gave you the flyer. You going to his show?"
"Why? Are you an actress?"
"Yea. I told him I would... I'm trying to be. I go to Marymount."
"Anna, you go to Marymount, too, right?'
"I graduated last year."
"Oh yea. You dance, right?. Dance theater? You get your new headshots yet?"
"Kind of. They're so expensive. But they're auditioning for Grease in Vegas. I think I got a callback tomorrow."
"Congratulations. Can you please demonstrate the winning dance number?"
"Here?"
"Yea, for practice. Besides my friend Amerigo here is a fierce dancer and a shrewd critic."
"No."
"It'll help, I swear. No? Fine I'll do it."
"You know Grease? O my god."
"No. I know Dancing."
"Sing Summer Lovin'"
"What?"
"Had me a blast"
"Dude, that's the karaoke jam when you duet with a girl"
"I thought it was Paradise by the Dashboard Lights?"
"Hey, you guys want to go to K-Town karaoke later?"
"When?"
"When you guys get off work"
"Um. Maybe. Brad is coming in at 10."
"He can totally come."
"I have to go walk my little doggie. After that, I'm going to bed."
"Does this job make you that tired or something? I've been up since 5:40"
"Yes, dealing with all these crazy drunk guys.."
"Aww. Shot down, how you feel?"
"No, I didn't mean you guys."
"We are those guys."
"Charles! Want a shot!?!'
"He's been yelling at you guys all night."
"Yea, well, we know him."
"Yes, Pierre I want a shot...You guys want shots."
"Maybe later"
"I have an audition.'
"Oh my god my tables."
"Anna I got your check from Table 12."
"Oh ok. "
"You still want a poem?"
"Uh.."
"You'll get one.'
"How do you spell your name?"
"Jessica. J-E-S-S-I-C-A"
"That's easy."
"You idiot. You forgot her name."
"Did you remember it?"
"Sort of."
"Charles! Amerigo! Get over here."
"Is that Jager?"
"Leave the coats. No one will fuck with our table."
"Go that way. Go around ."
"Charles, you remember Dana."
"Yes, we were talking when we came in, asshole. Hi. How's that cranberry vodka?"
"Good."
"Good. Hello again, Christina"
"Oh, and these are their friends."
"This is Dina."
"Hi"
This is Steph."
"Hi"
"Dude, are those our shots?"
"And this is Liz."
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Where are you guys from?"
"We're all from Jersey, except for Dina. She's from Cali."
"Excellent. Where in Jersey?"
Morristown."
"Cool."
"By the way, our friend Pierre here recently won teacher of the year for his great work at MS 180. He uses the prestige of the award to spread love throughout the world and his apartment is filled with books of philosophy. You'd be a fool not to have him read to you."
"Dude, take this."
"What the fuck was that?"
"I'm setting you up."
"You think I need that?"
"Salud."
"Brost."
""How long until the bender?."
"Fuck"
"I love that shit."
"A little more than five months. Halfway there."
"Pierre, pass me that napkin."
"Where's the pen?"
"That's close, man."
"You left it at the table."
"Here I have one in my coat.'
"Nice sports coat by the way."
"It's my Friday blazer, bitches. You want chalk? I have some of that too"
"We should have a teach off"
"What should we put for the J?"
Is this an acrostic?"
"Yes."
"No more limericks tonight?"
"No, let's do an acrostic."
"Fine."
"Who's this for?"
"Jessica?"
"That waitress?"
"Yea, the hot one. This has got to be good."
"Juniper.'
"What? No."
'Pierre, you're not helping?"
"I'll be over here living you down"
"Go back to the table. I'll follow you. Go"
"What did you think of their friends? "
"Definitely not"
"Yea"
"So. Ok. Japan. Everyday. Sometimes. Singapore. Iran. Contra. Armageddon."
"No."
"Juicy.."
"Hey Boys, want another pitcher?"
"Jesus Christ. More? Already?"
"You did finish that last one."
"We gave it out to you guys. It's just sitting here in these cups."
"I'm going to drink it."
"When you come back and sit down with us."
"In like fifteen minutes I swear. I just have to get rid of this huge softball team."
"We're starting the clock."
"You guys still want beer right?"
"A pitcher, yes."
"Shit I'm getting drunk"
"I'm drunk and ready to drink"
"Ok."
"Hurry back."
"We're such idiots."
"Yea, but she is trying to get us drunk."
"Already done."
" So, how about this: Juicy. Evocative. Sensual. Sexual. Imbibing Cuervo Always."
"Nice."
"Close"
"Judiciously Evasive. Sometime Sneaky. Imagining Craving Anywhere."
"I like mine better."
"Fine, write it."
"At least its provocative."
"Fine. Have fun. We're at a bar."
"Whatever. We playing hoop tomorrow?"
"Jessica...Jessica."
"Just wait man, she's taking a fucking order, just give it to Anna."
"Okok. Fine I'll play but I'll be hungover as shit.
"Whatever. It's what gets rid of the hangover"
"Yea, but I'm so fucking used to getting up at 5:40 and starting the kiddie show at 7, that whenever I pass out later, I'll be at attention super early. So not only will I be hungover, I'll be a fucking zombie."
"Stop fucking whining. We'll still school all those guys?"
"You think we can even get a game"
"Sure if we walk North like 106 or something."
"You're an asshole."
"Pierre!...Pierre!..hoop tomorrow?"
"Nice nod"
"Did he just wink at me?"
"Who's calling?"
"EE"
"Answer it"
"Shit."
-"Yo."
-"Where are you, Mr. Bronson?"
-"I'm out. It's Friday."
-"Come play with me"
-"Um. where are you?"
"Here you go, boys? Who's he talking to, Amerigo?"
"Have a seat."
"Did you ask Brian to turn down the tunes?"
"No. Yes. He said no."
"Shuush, I'm on the phone."
-"Mr. Bronson? Mr. Bronson..I'm downtown at this bar called Bar."
-"Say again."
-"I'm downtown in the village. At Bar."
-"Umm. Sounds great. I'm uptown. but we might be going downtown later."
-"Are you going to Bourbon later?"
-"Bourbon Street?"
"You guys are going to Bourbon Street? Again?"
"I guess, yes, fuck."
-"Um. No. Maybe. Maybe. I'll call you and let you know. But I'll definitely call you later."
"Here. Give this to Jessica, please"
- "Ok. Call me soon 'cause I don't know how much later I'll be out."
-"It's 8."
-"I want to see you."
-"I know. I want to make out too."
-"What?"
-"Ok. I know. Gotta go. Bye."
"Who was that?"
"You've met her. That crazy Alabama chick."
"That one that lives upstairs."
"Yea. EE."
"Do you like her?"
"Her ex-boyfriend is calling me from LA."
"Yea, but she's calling you from downtown."
"Whatever. She's fucking crazy. So..what's Brad up to until 10?"
"He's working late. She seemed nice, though, that time I met her. You should totally date her, Charles."
"Marvelous. No. I ..I don't know. "
"Guess what? Brad's working on the Guggenheim Museum project at his firm"
"That's why he's working late?"
"Isn't he a grad student?"
"Yea, but he also works for this firm"
"Didn't Frank Lloyd Wright design the Guggenheim?"
"Yea. That's what I thought."
"I don't know. That's what he told me...Boys I gotta get back."
"Fuck this stay and leave shit. At least finish your beer."
"Jeez, I'm drinking, sweetie, no longer passive aggressive we with, huh, Charle."
"You love it."
"Dude, stop... Anna, please stay. Here we'll fill up your beer again.."
"Thanks. Keep it for me when I get back."
"Don't give me that look, I'm drunk."
"Are we gonna meet EE?'
"Probably not. She might show up later.'
"You really want her to come out?"
"Should I call Nicole, then?"
"Just, let's see what happens first."
"Dude, you know I'll gonna go through the Rolodex. I'm drunk enough already."
"Charles, if you've met all these girls at bars, who you don't really like, really, so what's stopping you from meeting another, better girl at the next bar?"
"Nothing. Good point. I'll stay off the horn, then."
"You should call Vanessa."
"What? Now?"
"Not now. Later."
"At Bourbon?"
"No. Not there."
"Guys! When are we going to Bourbon?"
"I don't know Pierre."
"Thanks for finally joining us."
"Is that Bobby outside?"
"Because the girls are going to this bar in the village, but if we leave soon, they'll come with us."
"I don't know Pierre. We just ordered another pitcher. Relax."
"I am actually going to rip your head off. Give me a straight answer. Half hour good? Can I tell them that?"
"Is Bobby fucking smoking? What an idiot."
"Pierre, I don't know. In a little bit. Do we have to go to Bourbon?"
"Where else would we go?"
"I don't know..Ginger Man."
"Haha. No. Amerigo, listen to me. What should I tell the girls?"
"I don't know...We'll leave after the next pitcher or two. Anna's been sitting down a lot, so.."
"Uh oh, Pierre, she did turn down the music for us... I'm going to get a redbull. Want one?"
"What are you talking about, it's loud as fuck in here. Besides, you guys know I am in total and complete love with her. So back the fuck off."
"Anna's right, you are a like a teddy bear."
"We'll go in a little Pierre. I don't know what else to tell you."
"God damn it, they're getting their coats."
"I'm going to the bodega. Pierre you wants?"
"No. No. So what am i supposed to tell them?"
"Pierre, just keep doing what you do"
"I'll be back with caffeine and sugar to compliment the booze."
"Try not to get lost."
"Actually, get lost."