Rock Takes A Detour

Inhale. Exhale. Cough.
My East Coast lungs aren't cut out for this bullshit.
Most of my life, the act of stepping off a plane and onto a Jetway was exhilarating. Last night though, exhilaration was muddied by dread and late-onset asthma.
I was to race "home" to my brand new apartment, unpack my records and silly hats and commence with the 'shut-eye.' Upon waking, 6:30 in the a.m., I tried to find my way to the Bright Futures Learning Center (the 'namers' of the institution were certainly not the other peas in my pod). A 'team leader' at Bright Futures hired me through a phone interview two weeks ago and invited me to start immediately... I informed her of things called "leases" and "loose ends." Thus, a fortnight later, here I am; sunny, arid, and vapid L.A.
My first 'assignment'; a sun kissed seventeen year old named Catherine ("KK is what my boyf calls me"). She is applying to colleges this year and is looking to bolster her less than sturdy resume. English is like totally her worst subject. Standing five foot nine inches tall (three inches might have been heels), she was much hotter than any girl I fucked in high school/hotter than any high school girl I will ever get to nail (what with laws and all). Sitting down across from her I prayed only for her to be stupid enough to be unattractive, but nice enough for me to take pity.
"Catherine. First off, what type of college are you looking to attend?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well... what are you looking for in a school?"
"Oh! I want to go to a school in like the south. A school that's sunny, you know?"
"Yes. Sunny. I know."
"Yeah, like a school like in Miami or like The University of Arizona - I hear they have pools in the dorms there!"
"That must be nice. Let's get more specific Catherine. What kind of degree are you looking for?"
"I just told you - I want a warm degree, I totally couldn't go to a school with a cold degree."
"Ahha... well I guess Harvard's out."